Inspired by: Don Gabor’s How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends Framed for: A generation of young men navigating manhood in a distracted world.
Minimize Rejections — Look for Receptivity
Rejection is part of life — but it doesn’t have to stop you. If you’ve been rejected before, you’re already trained. If not, start now. The trick is learning to spot receptivity:
Look for open arms, friendly eyes, welcoming posture
Smile and make eye contact
Approach people already participating or curious
Take the risk. If they say no, move on without shame. Keep at it. Practice makes your radar better.
“The more you ask, the better you'll get at picking out people who will respond the way you want them to.”
How to Accept Rejection
Sometimes rejection has nothing to do with you. They might be tired, busy, introverted, or having a bad day. Keep going anyway.
Think of it this way:
The more social attempts you make, the less weight each rejection carries
Don’t over-analyze individual outcomes
Focus on those who respond positively
Every “yes” builds your confidence. Every “no” sharpens your aim. You have more to gain than to lose.
Ask Ritual Questions
Ritual questions are safe, simple, and signal your interest. They’re not deep — they’re friendly. Example:
“Cool jacket — where’d you get it?”
“That’s a nice ring — what kind of stone is it?”
“I saw you at the gym last week — you train here often?”
These are low-pressure, high-engagement questions — great for breaking the ice.
Break the Ice Using Objects or Context
People carry clues. Notice their book, their gear, their vibe. Use that:
“Is that a Canon or Sony camera? I’m looking to get into photography.”
“You play guitar? Acoustic or electric your favorite?”
“That book’s been on my list — is it worth the hype?”
Or go situational:
“Any good places to eat nearby?”
“You look a little lost — need a hand?”
“I’ve seen you here before — you local?”
Open vs. Closed Questions
If all you’re getting are one-word answers, you might be asking closed questions. Change it up:
❌ “Do you like this movie?”
✅ “What do you like about this movie so far?”
Open questions allow stories. Closed ones kill flow.
Real-World Example: The Solo Diner
You keep seeing someone eating alone. Sit nearby. Make eye contact. Smile. If they smile back, say:
“Hey, I think we’re regulars here. What’s for dinner tonight?”
“I usually go with the burger, but tonight I’m thinking pasta — what do you recommend?”
“You mind if I join you?” — if the vibe is good
If they say no, respect it. Maybe next time. Don’t make it weird. Just be kind and casual.
The Right Time to Introduce Yourself
Don’t delay. When there’s a pause, say: “By the way, I’m (your name).” Offer a handshake and smile. That simple move cements the interaction and gives it a name.